Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
