No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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