filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
