be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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