I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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