You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize