yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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