I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
