He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
