Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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