new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
