I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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