He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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