I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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