I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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