Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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