My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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