Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was like eating out sand paper
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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