I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
