Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
