Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
