When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
