as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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