Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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