everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
