my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
