I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
