Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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