in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
