I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
