you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
