I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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