Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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