Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
