If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Boobs are out for the taking
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
