There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
