The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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