Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
