i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
