He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize