oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
