Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
