Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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