Just fell off a train. Bad.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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