even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
