Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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