How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
