This dress was meant to end up on your floor
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
