Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
