On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so let's talk penis.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
