okay pat passed out under dana's car
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize