She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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