Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
