It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
