also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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