Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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