they need to just BURY HIM!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
