You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
