there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it glows. i had to have it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
