were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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