I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
