What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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