oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
