I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Randomize
