My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
