And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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