fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
