My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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