You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
