Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to calm my uterus...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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