How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
