like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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