"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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