My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
