Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Still dying that you shit outside
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
