New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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