The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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